fine, from now on i will STOP EATING.

my mother is one hell of a bitch.
when i dont eat they fucking complain and say if i dont eat they will cut my allowance,
since i dont eat why give me allowance?
and now when i finally EAT.
like eat alot, biscuits, bread, ice cream.
they say im greedy keeep eating.
and now my mother is bitching with my sister and brother.


its like the fucking food is there for days, and none of them FUCKING TOUCH IT.
for fuck sake, if you all were to complain that i ate it up, its because the fucking snacks were there AND NOBODY TOUCHED IT.

Fine.
From now on i will do what you say.
since you say i have been eating alot, and eating up all the food available at home
I WILL STOP EATING.
from now on i will fucking stop eating anything.
i will just drink plain water.
i will turn into skin and bones to show you.
wanna play with me right,
MARK MY WORDS.
even chinese new year i wont even touch your fucking pineapple tarts and cookies.
you can let them fucking rott at home.
oh ya, ask your other 2 kids to eat it ALL up.
or else I WILL STUFF IT DOWN THEIR FUCKING THROAT THAT COMPLAINS.

entangled

why must you be the one?
you know this sucks big time.
you.
you make me feel disgusted.
like wtf.
why must you do all this stupid cheap thrills.
fuck you
what were you thinking?
how many fucking times did i warn you.
Why must you disappoint me.
why
you make me and _______ so disappointed.
we are disappointed
im flabbergasted.
speechless.
you left me hanging there thinking.
all along i have been saying how much i think girls dont treasure themself, they look cheap, they degrade.
and like whuuuuuuuuuuuuttttttttttttttt.
my friend is actually one of those girls.
HAHAHAhahahhaha
its literally in my face bitch.
you got me this time round.

sudddenly i feel that im really pure and innocent and clean.
i really am.
and im proud of it.

i wish i could stop depending on my parents for allowance or survival.
i fucking hate it when they use that “since you depend on me on living” for every fucking shit.
i want to move,
one day when i go overseas.
i will just cut off all contact with them.

Look what 7kg has done to me

have been seeing quite a few mates.
sighs,
eveyrone says “i look healthier now’
:<
ya thanks to western food and malay rice.
7kg.
dont bother asking.
my weekends are burnt eating.
i just ate and ate.
dont ask what i ate, cause i cant remember.
i just kept on stuffing my mouth.
seriously if i wanna lose weight i must be strong and determined.
or else i will be just talking a whole chunk of bullshit and nothing is done.
i want to lose 7kg.
7kg only.
then i will cut my hair short.
i will.
Give me 3 weeks for 7kg.
i can do it.

bad week

this week is fucking bad.
not that there’s any drama.
its just me again.

i seriously need an alternative way to lose weight.
by no means of not eating is not helping.
cause my mother cooks really good food and always buy good snacks home.
and im always dead.
once i start eating, i never stop.
fucking glutton.
so if i dont eat lunch and dinner.
all the snacks kills.
and prolly next day i eat something huge.
why cant i control myself like selina?!!!
i try seeing anorexic models, thinspo.
DONT HELP AT ALL.
i dont feel gross seeing how pig gets murdered or chicken gets slaughtered.
NO!
im gross and pathetic.
others lose weight fast,
i fucking gain like crazy.
FML.
seriously i should stop bringing any money to school.
GO HOME lock myself in the room whole day.
.
ok i think this will work.
and i dont really care if like i got no boobs if i dont eat,
cause it doesnt matter at all,
i dont even have any even if i eat.
so whats the difference?

i really need to lose weight.
why?
My face is fucking fat,
my thighs are fat fat.
my arms are big, i h8 tight clothes.
my tummy is disgusting.
im disgusting overall, fat and disgusting.

feminism (is it right spelling?)
feminism + prints + bold + colours + rebel
i think that i cant define what i really like.
i seemed to like everything from girly pastels to bold loud eccelectic/eccentric prints.
at times i feel like dressing black from head to toe,
at times i feel like going out in long flowy drapey pieces
at times i feel like being a true girl fillled with all ladylike aspects.
at times i feel like putting on a biker jacket, hot shorts and head out (my mom says its slut) HAHAHA
at times i feel like being in tight clothes
at times in weird mixmatch of prints and colours.

i really cant stick to my diet.
epic failure today.
4 slices of butter cake
2 bowls of fried prawn mee
2 bananas
1 cup of lychee milk tea
1 ja jjang mee with fried chicken cutlet
1 cone kitkat ice cream
alot of chocolate coated cookies, gifts from christmas.
i really h8 it.
at times i can dont eat for a day,
and im eating it all back another day.
fuck my life.
i fucking need to stop having an itchy mouth and stuff myself with food when im NOT EVEN HUNGRY.
my mom says im a greedy pig.
yes im a fat greedy pig.
fucking fat thighs and arms and fucking fat face.
i need to learn from Selina, not to be tempted.
i swear, from now on im not going to eat anymore shit already.
i feel all the fucking fat shit in my stomach and it feels gross.
tmrw i think im going to swim after church.
my stomach feels so gross.
if only i was like those bulimic girls,
who can force a finger down their throats.
i cant do it,
i rather i not eat then puke it out.
WASTE FOOD.
I CAN GIVE MY SIBLINGS OR MOTHER EAT.
i want to be stick thin, skinnny.
before the next time my grandparents see me,
my ahma must say
” what ahgirl you lost alot of weight”
wooo fucking goood , i can hear my grandma saying it.

my mom is a _________
you and your stupid christian christmas shit.


im starting to hate this religion because of YOU.
you know why i go to church on sunday,
#1 because i can eat my fav guotiao mian.
#2 i can buy soft maple bread
#3 I CANT STAND YOU NAGGING AND SHOWING THE FUCKING BLACKFACE.
i hate how my mom is such a hyporcrite, and still wants to convert me to a faithful one.

im dying >.<
i saw my 2 pair of shoes on sales.
FROM 260 TO 120 YKNOW.
AND MY SIZE, MY SIZE.
im an obedient girl, i called my momo to ask her whether i can buy.
she say no, so i never buy.

my tummy is fucking big now.
i need to start doing crunches, or i will look like a pregnant 3 month.
all the days of losing weight gone down the drain.
must be tough on myself,
40 HERE I COME.

Mash Game: Predict Your Future at eSPIN.com

		I will marry G Dragon.
		After a wild honeymoon, We will settle down in Carribean in our fabulous Apartment.
		We will have 2 kid(s) together.
		Our family will zoom around in a white Volkswagen.
		I will spend my days as a Fashion Designer , and live happily ever after.

i feel so drained.
~~~~~~““`
ok doks, im gonna move away back to blogspot
i got a big plan.
but im too tired………
you know whenever i head home,
plug in my earphones,
i will start thinking.
seems like korean music somehow connects with me.
i feel like im living in my own world.
~~~~
i know im lonely and i have no friends.
i hate that i keep on pushing myself,
i hate that i dont love myself, my body.
* no la, i never have sex with anyone, its just that i hate my size.
i hate that im depriving myself to enjoy things.
i dont even know what am i thinking at times,
seems like my mind is controlling me,
ive got no right to make decisions or do what i want.
i feel like a robot.